If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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