I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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