They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
