the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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