TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
