you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
