My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
