the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
