it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
