he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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