just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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