i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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