it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
