Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
