I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
