Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
