I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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