My Higher Power is John Stamos
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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