you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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