Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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