things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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