And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
