Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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