I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
