the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just forgot I was standing up.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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