DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
