Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
