Three words: puerto rican gang bang
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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