its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
