did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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