Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
