why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
