The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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