Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
