he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
