if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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