do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
