The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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