I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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