I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
