You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
