Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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