My balls are so social today.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon