Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?