Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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