matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
