ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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