I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize