It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
