Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
