Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
