I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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