only if we run a train.
done.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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