One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
