did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
