The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
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I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.