I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
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I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!