sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically