Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dating After Heartbreak
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.