I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just gargled with NyQuil
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?