You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
