Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize